Mommyhood

Like a lot of little girls, I always dreamt of being a mom….at one point I thought having 10 kids would be ideal. When I met my husband, I knew that not only were we meant to be together, but that he was to be the father of my children. When I met my OB/GYN over 5 years ago, I also had that “meant to be” feeling that she would deliver my babies.

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In July 2013, we decided to start trying to conceive. It only took until September for me to get pregnant and we were over the moon. I started knitting a blanket, making onesies to give to my step kids from the baby and starting a Pinterest board. At 6 weeks I started spotting and went in for an ultrasound. All look perfect, we saw a heartbeat and I was told this just sometimes happens. We came back at 8 weeks and everything looked fine once again. The week before Thanksgiving, we had another appointment at 11 weeks to hear the heartbeat…after not locating the heartbeat, we were sent for an ultrasound right away. We lost our baby. I was scheduled for a D&C the next morning, less than 24 hours after hearing this horrific news.

We grieved together and my husband was the most supportive person I could have ever hoped for. We had gotten married in April of that year but hadn’t taken a honeymoon. On the operating table, I told my doctor that I needed to go to the beach…she happily passed that on to my husband in the waiting room and we booked a trip to the Bahamas that afternoon for a week. It was the time we needed together to enjoy life and focus on us. It was truly one of the best trips of my life.

Bodies are different, healing times vary and mine seemed to be the extreme. I took over 8 weeks to fully recover from my D&C and then nothing happened. We tried for months to get pregnant again with no success except a chemical at the end of January. In June, we were referred to an infertility specialist. We had tests run and everything came back normal. I was put on clomid for a week and given an hcg trigger shot. At this point, we weren’t feeling very hopeful. My head had jumped to us needing to do IVF or accepting that we may never have a baby. I was feeling depressed since my miscarriage, gained weight because of it and was just feeling doubtful.

We took our annual family camping trip at the end of June on the beach. I enjoyed myself with my family, ate, drank wine, read a book and napped daily. We came home on July 3rd and that afternoon I decided to just take a pregnancy test….a 2nd pink line appeared! I called for my husband to come upstairs and simply showed it to him (I didn’t want to skew what he saw by asking) and he saw the line right away. We were shocked, scared and so very, very excited.

Once again, I had some spotting and was brought in for an ultrasound at just shy of 6 weeks. Baby looked a few days behind but we saw a heartbeat and the doctor said things looked good, but I was to come back in a week for another check. At this point, both of my doctors concluded that I would most likely have spotting at 6 weeks in all pregnancies because it’s my body getting ready and just simply  happens. The next week, we went in for another ultrasound…we only saw a black screen. There was no baby, nothing. The doctor searched and searched and said that it appeared I was miscarrying again. He asked if I wanted to schedule another D&C. I declined since my recovery had taken so long the last time and decided my body would know what to do and we’d wait it out. We left for vacation the next day (Wednesday) for a week with instructions to call my doctor in a week to let him know if anything has happened.

Our first stop on vacation was to Santa Barbara where I was to officiate my brother’s wedding, then we were off to Atlanta and Nashville. My step kids were with us and they didn’t know yet that I had been pregnant so I kept my crying moments to times in the bathroom or at night in my husband’s arms. Now we were simply waiting for my body to get the message. A week went by and nothing happened. I called my doctor and told him we were coming home on Thursday night, so he scheduled me for an ultrasound on Friday morning at 8am. My step daughter was still with us so my husband stayed home to be with her. I figured we were just going to confirm once again that I had miscarried and would get a prescription to jump start things….

I came home just before 9am and asked my husband to come upstairs for a moment…I presented him with a picture…of our 8 week 2 day old baby who had a beating heart and was a little dancer! S/he had performed a disappearing act…Baby Magic!

We continued weekly ultrasounds and Magic kept growing and doing fantastic. I was turned back over to my regular OB/GYN at 10 weeks and continued progressing. My pregnancy was “easy” for the most part. I had aches and pains, a nonstop stuff nose, nausea, etc but that all amounted to nothing after thinking we didn’t have a baby and I was more than happy to endure anything thrown my way if it meant meeting Magic in March 2015. Magic would be our rainbow baby…after every storm, there is a rainbow and a miscarriage is a storm, therefore the baby born after one is called a rainbow baby.

At 36 weeks, my doctor told us she was going to induce me at 38 weeks because I’d encountered high blood pressure throughout my pregnancy. 2 weeks early? But I wasn’t mentally prepared for that! Magic had been breech at 32 weeks, so I did some yoga poses, bounced on an exercise ball, drank raspberry tea leaf and hoped I was making progress. At 37 weeks, Magic had flipped to head down and everything looked good for a vaginal delivery. This was on a Thursday and I was set to be induced on Tuesday night. On Friday night, the doctor’s office called that an induction opening on Sunday had become available so I was being moved…it was go time even sooner!

On Sunday, March 1st, my husband and I packed our bags, cleaned up the house, changed the sheets on the bed and waited for time to pass before it was hospital time. I was instructed to call and make sure they had room for me, so I called at 5:30pm for my 7:30pm appointment. They had a lot of births and said don’t come in, call back in 2 hours. I called back…don’t come in until 9:30pm. More waiting…

We got to the hospital at 9:30pm, checked in and had a blood test, filled out paperwork and waited. At 12:30am, they started me on cervadil. I had to lie on my side for at least 2 hours. Suddenly I was getting massive leg cramps which I’d never had before. The nurse let me get up after an hour and a half to stand but that was for 5 minutes and then it was back to bed. At 6:30am, the nurse came in and said they were removing the cervadil and going to start pitocin but that I should take a shower and freshen up. They started the pitocin and my doctor came by before 8am. I had not dilated, was 50% effaced and she was unable to break my water. She said she’d check back with me at lunch time. An hour later with each contraction, Magic’s heart rate was dropping. I was taken off pitocin for an hour to rest and then they restarted it. Magic still wasn’t having it. I didn’t have a birth plan per se because my doctor and I wanted to be open to all options, but I did say the one thing I really wanted to avoid was a c-section. I wanted to deliver my baby like I  had dreamed and surgery was not part of that dream.

At 11:30am, a nurse came in and said my doctor was on the phone for me…I was going to have a c-section in one hour because Magic wasn’t tolerating the contractions and we had to be thankful that this was happening in the hospital and that I hadn’t gone into labor on my own and not knowing this could be happening. Bring on the waterworks! This was not how I was supposed to welcome my baby but now things were happening fast. Nurses in and out, the anesthesiologist came in to meet me, then one of the nurses said I was just bumped by 15 minutes because of another c-section so we had less than 30 minutes. We had to pack our things onto a cart, my husband got scrubs on, we made last minute phone calls and texts to friends and family and then I kissed him goodbye as I was wheeled in to be prepped. The staff was phenomenal but that didn’t take away how scared I felt.

I was wheeled into the OR at 12:30pm. I was opened up and out popped an arm and a leg. Magic had moved transverse! Back in s/he went and the doctors moved the baby around to deliver head down. Baby D was born at 12:57pm on Monday, March 2, 2015. My husband stood up and looked over the curtain to announce that we had a son! We didn’t know the gender so it was even more of a whirlwind experience for us.

I stayed in the hospital until Wednesday afternoon and then we started our journey as a family at home. It’s now been 16 days and they’ve gone by way too fast. I’ll be sharing the rest of my journey as we travel along what is the best part of my life!

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